Abstract

This article presents ten lessons to help guide partner choice and relationships. A mismatch between ideal and actual partners can be very costly and stressful for both individuals and society. The famous injunction to “know thyself” is highly relevant in this context, as self-knowledge will affect partner choice. The ten lessons cover perennial themes: making the right choice; the pressure to marry; fear of loneliness; the dangers of neurotic co-dependency; trust; respect; forgiveness; constructive communication; shared and personal space; and the existential challenges of growing up (and old) together. Rather than looking for Mr. or Ms. Perfect we should look for Mr. or Ms. Good Enough. The couple system should be seen as an emotional container, within which each partner engages in mutual mirroring, holding and dialogue. Furthermore, when children come into the relationship, the partners need to be very careful not to focus on their demands at the cost of their own relationship. It is pointed out that the best way to raise healthy and happy kids is to maintain a healthy and happy partnership.

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