The Rocket Test Engineer

Abstract

Theoretically only one type exists; however, due to the selective process of dynamic evolution, four types are known to exist at various rocket establishments. The IDEAL type is the rocket test engineer you see in the movies, ads, and press releases. He is usually clad in protective clothing, wears a face shield, and sometimes sports a supersonic dunce cap. Invariably he is described as a refugee from Mars. This type has an extremely short half life, and immediately after being photographed he disintegrates into one of the types described below. I t is well known tha t he is well grounded in rocketry. The CALIFORNIA type is in the 20-25 year bracket. He wears an open-necked sport shirt at least 135 decibels louder than a typical rocket shot. His baseball cap is always perched on his head at an angle of at least 45 degrees or more, and by his side is always found a copy of Jet Comics and a frosty mint julep. He is quite versatile in the use of artifices. The MISFIRE type being in the 25-35 year niche obviously has been around rockets a little more than his junior Californian type. He invariably slinks around in chartreuse sneakers and plaid shirts 13.5 decibels louder than a rocket firing. His tie is a motley color, stained by eggs, soup, and red fuming nitric acid. Wandering about the installation (gutturally cursing the project engineer with quaint four-letter words) he is usually carrying a gnarled hydraulic line on some mission no one has been able to discover. Tha t bulge in his hip pocket, he claims, is only used to prime the alcohol pump before firing. The SENIOR type takes superadequate measures for tests. When not in his foxhole he can be detected by tha t light streaming through the jagged hole in his head. Besides knowing all about rockets, rie. is an expert on all kinds of soil and on ^certain internal propellants.