'The lost weekend': An exploration of letting go

Abstract

Summary This paper was written as part of the requirement of the Intermediate Course on Psychodynamic Work in Mental Handicap at the Tavistock Clinic. It looks at some of the issues involved when middle-aged or elderly parents of adults with learning difficulties have to consider respite or long-term care for their children. Two case studies illustrate a variety of problems encountered by families when for the first time a separation is either necessary or seen as desirable. In the first, the diagnosis of a terminal illness is the precipitant for a widowed mother to have to consider her son's future. In the second, a couple in their eighties differ in their perception of their daughter's needs and their ability to care for her. The discussion aims to understand the resistance encountered by social workers and other professionals in these circumstances by looking at theories of mourning and separation, and by applying insights from these theories to the processes within families. The article also considers the external realities which are equally important to take into account, and identifies some of the skills and resources needed by professionals if they are to offer the most effective and helpful service to families.