The Invitations of Irresponsibility: Utilizing Excuses in Counselling with Men Who Have Been Abusive

Abstract

Therapeutic intervention with men who have abused others has evolved from early models that stressed confrontation and coercion toward newer approaches emphasizing engagement and collaboration. A collateral development has been a re-thinking of the once inviolable principle that offenders must “take responsibility” before they can be expected to change. In this paper, I hope to contribute to this ongoing evolution by considering how offenders' use of excuses, normally seen as an impediment to change, can be utilized in a collaborative way. I review research that helps us better appreciate the pro-social value of excuse-making and show how I have used a response-based framework in trying to accept the invitations offered by clients when they engage in blaming, problem talk, and other forms of externalizing responsibility. In learning to accept the invitations of irresponsibility, we can further contribute to the movement away from treating clients as objects of therapeutic intervention toward negotiating a...