The Dilemma of Adoption Reunion: Establishing Open Communication between Adoptees and Their Birth Mothers

Abstract

This article describes the contact relationship of six female adoptee-birth mother pairs. During in-depth interviews, these women revealed three issues affecting contact with their birth relative: (I) uncertain contact identity, (2) fear of rejection, and (3) a sense of dissatisfaction with contact outcome. These issues were intensified by the difficulty each woman experienced expressing her own contact needs. Suggestions are made for practitioners who may help negotiate more open contact procedures. Key Words: adoptee, awareness contexts, birth mother, powerlessness, relationships, Family practitioners in North America once believed that successful outcome required complete severance of adopted children's biological ties. Original birth records were sealed and adoptees received limited biological background information. Although current trends in challenge this view (Berry, 1991; Daly & Sobol, 1993), generations of adoptees have been raised with this secrecy rule (Sachdev, 1989). Recently, noticeable numbers have searched for and contacted their birth mother (Sachdev, 1992). These actions have created an unforeseen social event called adoption reunion. The body of research on search and reunion is extensive (Geidman & Brown, 1989; Gonyo & Watson, 1988; Pacheco & Eme, 1993; Sachdev, 1992; Sorosky, Baran, & Pannor, 1974, 1975, 1978; Triseliotis, 1973). Research on search and reunion has been descriptive, based on survey material, and focused either on adoptee samples or birth mother samples. The focus of this article, however, is the contact relationship existing between six female adoptee-birth mother pairs. The sample is small (N = 12), however, these women offer an intimate view of each side of the same contact relationship. The analysis in this article emphasizes the multi-dimensional process involved in maintaining contact. Guided by Glaser's and Strauss' (1967b) theoretical paradigm, the analysis provides a conceptual framework that can be used by family practitioners, social researchers, and social policy analysts concerned with adoption. Literature Review Most of the research literature concentrates on searching adoptees and their reasons for wanting to find their birth mother. Contrary to original research expectations (Triseliotis, 1973), the majority of searchers express little dissatisfaction with their adoptive parents (Anderson, 1989), reveal positive self-concepts (Aumend & Barrett, 1984), and achieve their life goals and objectives (Norvell & Guy, 1977). Instead, searching activity emerges from a need to fill in the identity gaps created by the use of secrecy in (Sorosky et al., 1974). By gaining access to their birth mother, searching adoptees are able to form more cohesive identities based on complete knowledge of their genetic and genealogical roots (Haimes & Timms, 1985; Sobol & Cardiff, 1983). A smaller body of research examines the birth mother's reunion desire. Many years after adoption, birth mothers exhibit chronic anxiety over the fate of their birth children (Weinreb & Murphy, 1988). Limited information provided at the time of adoptive placement and lack of knowledge on the adoptee's life situation exacerbates this anxiety and creates feelings of unworthiness, diminished self-esteem, and depression (Deykin, Campbell, & Patti, 1984, p. 278). Birth mothers find that contact alleviates their anxiety by re-affirming their decision to make an plan for their child (Silverman, Campbell, Patti, & BriggsStyle, 1988). Identity issues created through the use of secrecy in are also considered in the literature. These issues are examined separately for adoptees and birth mothers because each present distinct identity concerns. In contrast, this study utilizes Glaser's and Strauss' awareness context paradigm (1967b) as a conceptual framework equally applied in the study of adoptee and birth mother identity. …