The dangers of dating the “bad boy” (or girl): When does romantic desire encourage us to take on the negative qualities of potential partners?

Abstract

People generally strive to maintain positive views of themselves. Even in the face of negative feedback, individuals frequently protect the self-concept from incorporating negative information. Two studies examined a potential exception to that rule: whether and when romantic desire may motivate individuals to spontaneously adopt the negative attributes of a potential partner. Study 1 demonstrated the basic effect such that single individuals spontaneously incorporated negative attributes of a potential romantic partner into their self-concepts, and incorporation was magnified by desire for the partner. Study 2 explored boundary conditions of these effects. Negative attributes were only incorporated if the potential partner expressed self-acceptance about possessing these attributes; when potential partners reported wishing to change the negative attribute, it was not adopted into the self-concept. Attribute extremity also moderated incorporation. The implications of these results for understanding the nuances of motivated self-malleability are discussed.