The couple and seduction

Abstract

Summary Context The author of this paper looks at the mode of assessment and the therapeutic strategies applied specifically to seduction, in the daily life of the couple, based on experience drawn from workshops and training courses in sexology. Objective To remind us that once the initial rush of passion is over (and loving feelings have been established), any long-term relationship will need daily attention if the couple is to survive. Discussion If one defines conjugal seduction as “the art of showing the other partner one's need for love and sex”, one can conclude that within a couple, the partners must remain emotionally and sexually desirable to each other. If one defines seduction in a long-term relationship as “the art of showing the other one's need for love and sex”, one can conclude that within a couple, the partners must remain emotionally and sexually desirable to each other. This is done using behavioural skills that are learned and developed (how to manage sexual arousal and how to express loving emotions), and requires transparency of intention, emotional intensity and empathy, among other things. In more detail, seduction in a long-term relationship has as its aim: to maintain and increase the attraction that brought the couple together in the first place; that the individuals be proud of their masculinity or femininity, with sufficient levels of self-esteem; to turn distances into erotic opportunities; to turn differences into erotic opportunities; to resolve tensions, unwillingness, differences, etc. by means of communication. The couple will be faced with normal relationship “wear and tear”, stress and to all sorts of “antiseduction” forces at many levels. Any sexological assessment must include this sexual and relationship component which could hamper attempts to reinvigorate the relationship. The greatest difficulty for the clinician is to help the partners state their needs and to motivate them. The personality of each partner is the decisive factor. Learning to seduce is about developing know how and daring to use it… every day.