The B-Movie Apocalypses All Failed, and: Horse Magic, and: Tales of the Improbable

Abstract

The B-Movie Apocalypses All Failed, and: Horse Magic, and: Tales of the Improbable David Ebenbach (bio) The B-Movie Apocalypses All Failed When the dead awoke in their gravesthey were too weak to dig their way out,and even the ones not yet buriedwere awfully tired. Meanwhilethe giant spiders struggledto contend with gravity, their organstoo heavy now to function, and anywaythey were not well adaptedto drink larger prey. Their starvationleft a lot of cleanup; sanitation workersdemanded better benefits. ufoslanded, but their weapons only workedon silicon-based life forms, sothey left again with a kind of shrug.All of our buildings were intact.We wandered the streets stunned,knowing we were still expected at workon time. Survivalists were dismayed.Who knew ghosts were too sadto focus on vengeance? Or that werewolvesonly wanted to howl? Monsters haveno use for us, is what we learned. [End Page 180] Horse Magic People think horses are magic;horses understand things that have beenlost to us. But not the ones Iused to know—they worked at the zoo,and I worked at the zoo. And Delilahstomped feet and Tanner would bite,which I admired even thoughI didn't like to work with him becausehe would bite me even though Iadmired him. And we all got tired andtook breaks. They ate their horse food,me my human food. The same.Maybe I had more magic ultimately,because I'm not at the zoo anymore—I went to college. The horseswould retire to these farms when theygot too old for rides. It's the same storythey tell to small children. There areno retirement farms, and that'swhy we think horses are magic:They're right there, and then they'renot. Tales of the Improbable I want to read somethingabout a person in an elevatorand the elevator gets stuck. [End Page 181] Just one thing out of the ordinaryis all I need—the person isnormal, the elevator, but it's stuck. Sometimes it's like everythinghas to be out of whack.Instead of a person there's a vampire. Instead of an elevator there's agalactic modulator runby advanced lizards. But if you were in the elevator,stuck, that would already be enough.You'd tell your friends about that! In fact, maybe I don't even needthe elevator to get stuck. MaybeI want something about a person who gets in an elevator, andthe thing goes up or down—whateverthe person wants. With one button?That's plenty for me. [End Page 182] David Ebenbach David Ebenbach is the author of seven books of poetry, fiction, and nonfiction, including the new poetry collection Some Unimaginable Animal, and his books have won such awards as the Juniper Prize and the Drue Heinz Literature Prize, among others. He has an mfa in writing from the Vermont College of Fine Arts and a PhD in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Ebenbach lives with his family in Washington dc, where he teaches courses in creative writing, literature, and creativity at Georgetown University. Visit davidebenbach.com. Copyright © 2020 University of Nebraska Press