The birth of an adoptive, foster, or stepmother: Beyond biological mothering attachments.

Abstract

The Birth of an Adoptive, Foster, or Stepmother: Beyond Biological Mothering Attachments. Barbara Waterman. London and New York: Jessica Kingsley. 2003. 255 pp. ISBN 1-84310-724-4. $24.95 (paper). Barbara Waterman, psychologist-therapist and stepmother to twin girls, has taken on the challenging task of writing about three categories of nonbiological mothers in a relatively brief book. To write a single book that offers insights and practical advice to diverse audiences, including adoptive, foster, and stepmothers, their partners and extended kin, and diverse professionals who work with these families, is an ambitious goal. Although the author reaches outward to these audiences, she also looks inward: At its core, this book is about Waterman's own unsuccessful journey through the adoption roller coaster and her taking on the challenging, but cherished, role as a stepmother to adolescent daughters. So, the personal is intertwined with the academic and the practical. This approach is interesting but it does not make for easy reading. Here are the things I like about this book: First, in addition to relying on her own experience as a therapist and stepmother, Waterman informs her book with examples and anecdotes from more than 30 adoptive, foster, and stepparents who shared their collective with her. Second, she acknowledges the many ways that families can be built. With wisdom and insight, Waterman discusses threads that nonbiological parents ponder and often struggle with alone. In doing so, she challenges commonly held ideas about the meanings of the terms family, mother, and the mother-child attachment. Third, the author offers a kind of road map for forming attachments with their nonbiological children. Fourth, she shows how resources, or the lack thereof, can affect the nature and quality of attachment that emerges between the nonbiological mother and her child. The major weakness of this book is that it is tedious to read. First, the book is structured somewhat atypically. Instead of writing a separate foreword or preface, Waterman chooses to have the first chapter serve this purpose but only in part. In Chapter 1, she also discusses briefly several other topics including the demographics of contemporary families, loss and attachment, mothering versus fathering behaviors, similarities and differences among the nonbiological mothers, and the presence or absence of the biological mother in the lives of the chosen children. The last chapter, entitled Conclusion is not at all a summary of the major points the author tries to make in the previous eight chapters. For this book, a concluding chapter that identifies and links key points is essential. …