Sulking into Sex

Abstract

Sometimes, people sulk when their partners refuse sex. For instance, they might angrily pout, initiate the silent treatment, or manifest some other form of conspicuous, blame-laden withdrawal. To avoid this sulking, those on the receiving end sometimes submit to sex that they do not want. Such sex seems wrongful, as does the sulking that induces it. But what explains this intuition? I offer a two-part answer, drawing from real stories. First, I argue that even attempting to sulk someone into sex often imposes wrongful blame. Second, I argue that succeeding at sulking someone into sex often renders that sex nonconsensual because coerced—a wrong that should be morally but not always criminally sanctioned. These conclusions extend to numerous other sexual and nonsexual pressures while avoiding the implication that all sexual pressures are consent-undermining. In this way, my arguments cut against the current literature on consent. More broadly, my arguments challenge the literature’s focus on overt sexual pressures—like threats of violence—as well as its methodological tendency towards abstraction. One major upshot is that we should attend more closely to subtle sexual pressures like sulking, especially within the distinctive dynamic of close relationships.