Storm King

Abstract

Storm King Vida James (bio) When baby was born she was crying crying and just a little blob, a grub but I loved her. Poor baby that winter didn't have a bed even, just a cardboard box at first and I put in the things I saved when I was pregnant, a little blanket blue and purple that I found, and then I put her in a drawer. It made me so sad to see this baby on the floor, just crying on the rug and I was afraid to sleep in bed next to her like I would push her off the bed or roll over on her, I was so nervous about her back then. I lost my job at the store being pregnant and I was on my own and George wouldn't give me any money. And he didn't even notice that we didn't have pan de comer and he ignored my calls. I told him, Your baby needs you and he said, I never wanted this baby, it's not my problem, that's what he said when I told him I was pregnant. My mother said to give him some time and he would come around but I realized we would starve without him so I went to the court and I told them he wasn't paying. ___________ Before she was born he called me a lot, nonstop calls and messages telling me terrible things, saying terrible things about baby before she was even born. And when I said he would love her, and he would have to take care of her, he said, It's not my problem, he said that all the time. Sometimes he would come over and say, Be reasonable, get rid of it, call Planned Parenthood. And then I would get really mad, and cry and say, Kill my baby? What's wrong with you? And I said terrible things to him too, calling him names, saying he wasn't a real man. I yelled at him too many times. I can't say he was at fault all the time for fighting. ___________ One time after we had split up, he came over and was being really sweet to me, it felt like we were in love again. I was so happy to have him back in the house being all sweet, his voice soft and low. He told me I looked good, that the weight looked good on me, and he took me to the couch even though I was big and pregnant. The couch was brown and scratchy and I had these purple-pink stretch marks on my stomach but he didn't care, he said I was fine and he was taking off my clothes quickly and I told him I loved him and he nodded. He was frantic when he kissed me, pressing his mouth against mine, hard. ___________ When we first met I had put on a matching suit, a pair of green sweatpants and a [End Page 39] green sweatshirt and gold earrings, and I put my hair up high in a ponytail with gel and I looked good, like a lime candy all hard and shiny. Back then I walked around talking to everyone and liked to see men look at me and say things about my body, and women would be jealous if I weren't so kind to them too, talking to them all the time and complimenting their children or their food. And I met George right there on the street, he ran up behind me while I was walking, right up next to me and told me I was the prettiest girl around and would I let him buy me dinner. I said, Maybe. I saw him the very next day in the very same spot and he had flowers for me, two big hydrangeas that I know he picked out of someone's front garden by a stoop, and they looked silly these two blue flowers almost as big as my head, but the only time I had flowers before was when I graduated high school and when I got my...