Size Acceptance as a Grief Process: Observations from Psychotherapy with Lesbian Feminists

Abstract

SUMMARY Based on observations from my psychotherapy practice, I apply Kubler−Ross’ five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) to the process a woman goes through when she learns about size acceptance and lets go of the unrealistic wish to make her body size conform to fat-phobic societal ideals of female beauty. Clients’ presentations, therapeutic interventions, and countertransference are discussed for each stage. Lesbian feminists are likely to embrace size acceptance politics but may retain negative feelings about their own body size. In the bargaining stage, they may confound health concerns with body image issues, and it is important in their therapy to provide a holding environment that can tolerate ambivalence. My own depression stage was marked by countertransference that caused me to avoid the topic of body image with my clients. Therapists can help women in the size acceptance grief process by exploring their own evolving feelings about body image, bringing up the topic, and providing a non-judgmental holding environment.