SIGNING OFF

Abstract

A new gadget for physics teachers everywhereRecently released onto the market we can now present the Deluxe Remote Controlfor use by teachers everywhere. It has several innovative features which shouldhelp hard pressed teachers organize their lives and their classrooms.At the topof the remote control, easily accessed, are three OFF buttons. These will helpthe physics teacher reintegrate with society at the end of the day, at weekendsand in the holidays. In the important top left position is the 'Teacher Voice OFF'This allows the teacher to speak normally, rather than continue as if addressinga class of 30 across a noisy swimming pool. No less important, two other buttonsswitch off the teacher's organizing instinct (so that there is no inclination atall to organize any large group of people encountered on holiday into a line) andthe teacher's analysing instinct (so that never again will you end up wonderingwhy the waiter asked you that question rather than just ordering the wine).Theclass control feature allows the teacher to select at will from fully integratedfun, soft and stern modes. Switching time is less than one second, leading to effortlesschanges of mood in the classroom. In these times when records must be kept upto date teachers will value the 'mark by' feature. Most remotes have featured 'markby weight' and the very old fashioned 'mark by worth' commands for some time (althoughthis last one, actually evaluating whether a piece of work is good or not, is seldomused). The new breakthrough comes with the 'auto marking' feature for which theanticipated demand is colossal. Most teachers already use their Principal controlon existing products. This remote has the normal mute, pause and, important forafter-school staff meetings, fast forward functionality.Social interaction isa new concept in physics teacher remote controls. Most teachers have preferredthe pause or off settings so these are still provided. The Formal setting is anotherfavourite. Recognizing the need for customer support the What button brings upa help menu explaining the concept of social interaction from first principles.Another set of four buttons controls the class's hands. As you would expect ofthis top-of-the-range technology it includes hands up, down, on the head and off.Slide controls allow the teacher to set both the volume and tone of the voice (fromloud and scary to quiet and caring) And so that even the most clumsy user makesno mistake a set of three buttons makes it quiet clear physics is fun, fun, fun.Today many talk of the possibility of a digital teacher. In prototype models samplingrates are so low that there are long gaps between intervals when the teacher noticeswhat is happening. Although some say this resembles real life practical use remainssome way off. However, ... The new breakthrough comes with the 'auto marking'feature for which the anticipated demand is colossal. Philip Britton Head of Physics, Leeds Grammar School, UK