Should Children Attend Their Parent's Funerals?

Abstract

The paper discusses elements of the findings of ‘Iceberg’, a doctoral study at the University of York addressing many issues of child bereavement through a retrospective study of nearly one hundred individuals who had either experienced the death of a parent when they were at school, or were the surviving parent of such a child. The research revealed issues of lack of control and information for children after a parental death. Forty-seven per cent of those in the study attended the funeral of their parent. There was correlation between the age of children and attendance at the funeral. Of the fifty-three per cent of children not attending, twenty-four per cent of them were forbidden to attend, whilst eleven per cent of them were distracted from attending the funeral, such as being sent to school or a neighbours and being unaware that it was taking place. None of the children attending the funeral reported any negative experiences, and two thirds of them reported it as a positive or helpful event. In contrast, over three-quarters of those not attending later wished that they had. Over a third had feelings of regret, others feeling that they had been excluded from the family at the time of the death, and felt anger, hurt, and frustration. The conclusion was that the best strategy is to give children informed choice about whether or not to attend. If children do attend a negative outcome seems unlikely, but it would be prudent to prepare them as to what to expect at the ceremony.