Shift Relief.

Abstract

There it was. The gold star. The elusive brass ring. That red velvet cupcake riding a unicorn down a perfect rainbow of academia. Shift relief. After fellowship, I took a position in a prestigious academic department with a top-notch residency program. I worked full-time clinically and began building my career as an EM academician. Which is to say, I started looking for ways to get shift relief. And I got it. Soon after being hired, I became the director of the global health track for the school of medicine. This role came with opportunities to teach, build curriculum, mentor, and importantly, shift buy-down. Ladies and gents, I have won EM academia! I have shift relief! Yes, I did have more time for nonclinical duties. A lot of this time, however, was spent devoted to activities that, after some soul-searching, I have come to admit do not speak to my strengths. Student mentorship, development of curricula, and meetings about goals and objectives are noble academic pursuits. I am in awe of those who do them tirelessly and effectively. They are also, unfortunately, not my passion. Hey, but I have this great shift relief. Also, I took my first job with an infant and had another baby during my time as the global health track director. I'll spare you the specifics but I am not one of those moms who love the newborn period. I struggled. Hard. With breastfeeding, with sleeplessness, with staying afloat among the e-mail traffic and the meetings and the lectures and the evaluations clamoring for more small sessions, skills nights, journal clubs, and mentoring. Meanwhile, those newborns evolved into really interesting little people. I wanted to hang out with them and see what they had to say. But the shift relief … My role in the residency reduced to teaching on shift and a few haphazard attempts to put together global health experiences for the residents. I was showing up for work relying on my unit clerk to show me how to admit someone. I stopped reading. I phoned it in as a clinician educator as I fretted about my academic to-do list. But at least I had shift relief. So I gave it up. I work more in the ED now, but decreased my total work hours. So now I get paid less, work more shifts, and hear a lot of what those interesting little people in my house have to say. Did some of my colleagues think I was nuts to give it up? Yup. Did I second-guess it? Absolutely. Do I really like red velvet cupcakes? Yes I do. My new definition of “shift relief” is the feeling I have when I work without residents and know I took care of my patients well. Of giving real feedback to the resident who just busted her a** for eight hours and would be staying behind another two to chart. I still don't know how to admit patients, but now I know the names of the clerks who are nice enough to help me. Now I focus on what I love and what I am good at and not what I think I should love or be good at. I love global health fieldwork and trying to save the world a little. I love the challenge of clinical medicine, of finding something to give to these incredible residents, of being a part of this residency family. Most importantly, I love those interesting little people in my house, and I even think I am reasonably good at raising them. Relief.