Shame in the coaching relationship: reflections on organisational vulnerability

Abstract

PurposeThe purpose of this paper is to look at the particular human experience that is shame and its manifestations in the relationship that coaches and their clients co‐create. The paper aims to consider shame as a relational and contextual phenomenon, how it is experienced, how it arises, and the impact it can have on organisational and coach‐client interactions, learning and change. It also aims to consider in particular the inhibiting effect of shame on spontaneity and improvisation so necessary for adjusting creatively to complex situations in organisational life, changing conversations, and unfreezing entrenched and unproductive patterns of relating.Design/methodology/approachThe paper's approach is primarily phenomenological and comprises description of case material, textural and structural analysis, along with reflection on self and use of self in the research and practice being described. The hypotheses and conclusions at which the paper arrives are based on the author's 14 years' experience as a coach and seven as a Gestalt therapist. Many of the hypotheses have been tested and refined with clients, supervisees and students from two Master's programmes on which the author teaches.FindingsThe paper offers a number of examples to illustrate the ways in which shame can arise in the coach‐client relationship, as well as a number of contextual dynamics in client organisations and coaching practice that can contribute to the experience of shame. It suggests a number of departure points for coaches wishing to work with a sensitivity to shame dynamics in their coaching and consulting practice.Originality/valueA relational perspective offers an expansion of coaching theory beyond an emphasis on models and tools, to encompass relational dynamics as a source of both data and experimentation in the service of individual and organisational change. The paper proposes an approach that makes conscious use of relational principles, in order that shame phenomena can be surfaced, explored and transformed.