Ripples through the Family

Abstract

In this chapter our focus is on how the decision to conceive a child from donor gametes can have the kind of effect that a pebble has when dropped into a small pond. That is to say the decision causes ripples that spread out from the couple to impact upon wider family relationships. These ripples may be gentle nudges but at times they may seem like tiny tsunamis which threaten the equilibrium of the extended family. It is our argument that assisted reproduction in general, and donor conception specifically, occurs within a complex network of relationships and is not simply a matter for the central couple. Although the science of assisted conception necessarily concentrates on the couple (and often this narrows to a focus on the woman who carries the pregnancy) the experience of seeking a pregnancy ‘against the odds’ takes place within pre-existing family relationships and often with family members attending at a slight distance or offering substantial support and commentary. The nature of the support offered to couples going through the process can vary greatly, but the point is that we should not ignore its significance. When a donor conceived child is born he or she is not just born to the couple but born into a wider family and into a set of multifaceted connections. He or she is also born into a group of kin or a family lineage, will take a family name and will also carry forward the hopes of the next generation.