Response to “Thinking About Our Work: When Partners Grow Apart”

Abstract

Response to “Thinking About Our Work: When Partners Grow Apart” Walter N. Stone1 issn 0362-4021 © 2015 Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society group, Vol. 39, No. 4, Winter 2015 363 1 Professor Emeritus, University of Cincinnati. Correspondence should be addressed to Walter N. Stone, MD, 23 DeSilva Island Drive, Mill Valley, CA 94941. E-mail: w_stone@comcast.net. Lee Kassan has written an astute essay on an unintended effect of conducting therapy—that of having a negative impact upon a significant relationship of his patient. He is clearly showing the complexity of doing therapy, because, as he indicates , many individuals who present for treatment have a significant disturbance in their relationships contributing to their distress. Kassan importantly focuses on what takes place in a marital relationship, which may not be the person’s initial focus or complaint. Of course, his ideas would hold for any significant relationship. Treatment leads to change in one partner. However, such changes may upset a precarious balance in the marital relationship, actually causing further stress in that marital relationship. Such changes may not immediately be apparent, as the partner may not respond within the time frame of the individual therapy. This suggests the possibility of scheduling a follow-up visit at a predetermined date. This would lessen any shame the patient would have about returning or of switching therapists because of a perceived failure of the original therapy. Although unusual, the source of the distress may have been in the partner, which impacted the prospective patient. Therapy will help the patient see the nature of the difficulty and perhaps lead to ending the relationship. In such a situation, the therapist may discuss with the patient either inviting the partner to join the treatment or meeting with a therapist individually, either for a brief consultation or in ongoing treatment. The discussion should include who should make such a suggestion . It may come from the patient, or, with advance discussion between patient and partner, the therapist might call the partner. Couple therapy can be a very rewarding treatment option if both are interested, but sometimes the tension between them is of a nature not conducive to therapy, 364 stone or the other does not want to deal with the intimacy involved. Under these circumstances , another option might be available—that of couples group therapy. This format has the advantage of couples being able to see their own problems demonstrated by others or to observe how partners can work effectively to resolve differences and grow closer. Another advantage is that, if authority or power issues are an important element in the relationship difficulty, comments from peers may be more readily accepted. I want to thank Lee Kassan for addressing this aspect of our work and thinking about the variety of options open to us in our efforts to be of help. ...