Reconciling an irreconcilable past: Sexuality, autoethnography, and reflecting on the stigmatization of the ‘unspoken’

Abstract

I demonstrate the ways in which constructions of knowledge about sexual violence metaphorically and symbolically transpose stigma onto me for researching a stigmatized topic. In every human interaction, we all run the risk of stigma. I was stigmatized for revealing my association with the topic of sexual violence. In this article, I detail certain encounters of running into this stigma, using autoethnography. Drawing on Sara Ahmed’s poetic writings in this piece, to name a problem as a problem is to become a problem; the problems I highlight in my life turn me into a problem. I provide some of the implications that developed from highlighting such problems, such as suffering disbelieving and hostile attitudes and responses, rape threats, and derogatory comments from the wider society. I offer suggestions for other gender and sexuality writers as to how to reduce or manage stigma from looming large, for to not do so, one could be susceptible to ongoing abuse, derogatory and degrading comments, and, in some cases, threats of – and actual – violence and abuse.