Abstract
AbstractWith the rise of individualism since the 1960s, Western parents have become increasingly concerned with raising their children’s self‐esteem. This is understandable, given the benefits of self‐esteem for children’s psychological health. However, parents’ well‐intentioned attempts to raise self‐esteem, such as through inflated praise, may inadvertently breed narcissism. How can parents raise self‐esteem without breeding narcissism? In this article, we propose a tripartite model of self‐regard, which holds that the development of self‐esteem without narcissism can be cultivated through realistic feedback (rather than inflated praise), a focus on growth (rather than on outperforming others), and unconditional regard (rather than regard that is conditional). We review evidence in support of these practices and outline promising directions for research. Our model integrates existing research, stimulates the development of theory, and identifies leverage points for intervention to raise self‐esteem and curtail narcissism from a young age.
Highlights
With the rise of individualism since the 1960s, Western parents have become increasingly concerned with raising their children’s self-esteem
How can parents raise children’s self-esteem without breeding narcissism? Building on a burgeoning literature, we propose a tripartite model, which holds that self-esteem without narcissism is cultivated through realistic feedback, a focus on growth, and unconditional regard
How exactly do overvaluing parents cultivate narcissism in children? how can parents raise children’s self-esteem without breeding narcissism? Our model suggests that narcissism and self-esteem are cultivated by three classes of socialization practices, corresponding to the three pillars
Summary
A common belief is that narcissism is an extreme form of self-esteem. Psychologists have characterized narcissism as inflated, exaggerated, or excessive self-esteem, or even as “the dark side of high self-esteem” (Baumeister, Smart, & Boden, 1996, p. 5). Children with high self-esteem have positive but realistic views of themselves (realism), strive for self-improvement (growth), and feel intrinsically worthy, even in the face of setbacks (robustness). Children with high self-esteem have positive self-views, but those views tend to be more grounded in reality They do not overestimate their performance as much as narcissistic children do (Derry et al, 2019). Children with high self-esteem are more interested in improving themselves than in outperforming others They believe they can hone their abilities through effort and education (Robins & Pals, 2002). Children with high self-esteem have relatively robust feelings about themselves They feel worthy, even in the face of failure (Kernis, Brown, & Brody, 2000; Tracy et al, 2009). Narcissism is marked by fragility, whereas self-esteem is marked by robustness
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