Polyamory Is Deviant – But Not for the Reasons You May Think

Abstract

ABSTRACT This article identifies types of consensual non-monogamies (CNM) and contrasts them with cheating. When people realize that some people negotiate multiple partner relationships and monogamy is not the only option, they have encountered the polyamorous possibility and might have one of three common reactions. These reactions are embedded in a culture shaped by compulsory monogamy, within which CNM does not fit. Under the relational panopticism of compulsory monogamy, conventional society attributes significant stigma to polyamorous relationships. Two of the ostensible reasons for this attribution of deviance include the fact that polyamorous people have sex for pleasure and maintain multiple partners. Because these are common in other relationships as well, these apparent reasons are not the actual reasons for the stigma and deviance. Rather, there are at least three real reasons for this deviance assigned to polyamory, including honesty, women negotiating access to multiple partners, and the challenge it poses to heterosexual nuclear families.