On love

Abstract

This paper aims to stimulate awareness of the relationship between adult heterosexual love and sexual health. Although rarely discussed in professional circles, adult love is a powerful ideal that strongly influences both individual and relationship psychology. A gap between one's personal ideal of love and the actual experience of it inevitably appears within a long-term relationship. The feelings and behavior that stems from the gap become a crucial management issue for each individual in a relationship. The gap is minimized by an array of defenses and competing life demands, which either enhance or destabilize individual and relationship well-being. Idealization, denial, and rationalization are necessary to preserve the internal sense of loving at all phases of the committed relationship. The limitations of various definitions of sexual health are reviewed. Sixteen suggestions for preserving sexual health in long-term relationships are offered. Most of these involve guidelines for overcoming narcissism. The limitations of modern therapists, even sex therapists, for forthrightly dealing with sexual problems in terms of love are highlighted.