On Finding a Balance

Abstract

309 THIS PAPER WILL BE PUBLISHED within months of my thirtieth anniversary of becoming a nurse, which occurred in May 1977. That event also coincides with my thirtieth wedding anniversary. I begin with this observation to say that pioneering or enduring a professional commitment to palliative care for me has only been possible because I have been committed to a balanced personal life that sooths, comforts, and nourishes my daily being. My career began as a nurse on an oncology unit in Oklahoma. After 3 years in that setting I moved into home care and hospice. During my years in the inpatient setting I was drawn to the care of patients in pain and to dying patients. At the same time I left the hospital setting, I also returned to school for a master’s degree to become a clinical nurse specialist so that I could impact the care I increasingly saw as inadequate to meet the needs of dying patients and those in pain. In the process of pursuing this clinical goal I was forced to take a research course. My research paper lead me to work alongside many hospice pioneers who were using compounded medications like Brompton’s solution and also introducing opioids like oral morphine to alleviate the suffering of patients dying at home. What I discovered as I learned basic research skills was that contrary to commonly held beliefs, research was not the irrelevant, purely academic, sterile pursuit of data. Rather, research could change practice, and most importantly, it could improve care of patients. I continued working in hospice and began doctoral studies, commuting 180 miles each way from my home in Oklahoma to what was at the time one of only 24 doctorate programs in nursing in the United States. Our daughter was a preschooler during these years and she grew up believing that all mothers left the state once per week.! Of course, I waited until I graduated to explain to her that was not quite true. After completing my doctorate in 1984, I pursued the “usual” course and ventured into academia as a nursing faculty member, but soon realized that my primary love was research. Having relocated to California (kicking and screaming) so that my husband could pursue a geriatric medicine fellowship, I found a rare opportunity for a full-time research position at the City of Hope National Medical Center. I have been at City of Hope as a Research Scientist for 18 years. Being a researcher in a clinical setting has been an experience rich in opportunities for collaboration. It is also challenging to pursue the work of palliative care in a very intense setting whose mission promotes cure and survival often over comfort and quality of life. I