On Crying While Stripping Wallpaper

Abstract

On Crying While Stripping Wallpaper Stevie Edwards (bio) Keywords Stevie Edwards, poetry, home renovation, nursery, children, grief Three days into strippingthe third layer of painted wallpaperin a poorly ventilated powder roomand I am a sorrow river. My husbandsticks his head in to ask why I’m standing on a ladder, sobbingugly and snotty, a steamer in my left handspitting at the wall, a scraper in the right:I’m not sure. Too many hoursof quiet in close quarters. No, I’ve been choosing colors and namesin my sleep. My mind keeps its secretPinterest board of nursery décorpadlocked in its dingiest corner:the wallpaper border with baby animals, the mobile and cribI circled in my Grandma’s JCPenneycatalogue when I was sevenand knew how to want without guilt.There’s a small guest bedroom across the hall from mine, perfectfor the child my husband doesn’t wantenough, the child I spent yearsnot being sure I deserved. I am notredecorating that room in lambs [End Page 101] or unicorns. Not carefully choosingeach rattle and onesie for a registry.Scraping three decades offthe same four walls for days, my prettyfingers haggard with hangnails, I am chanting the name of a daughterI, more than likely, will never teachto strip wallpaper like my mothertaught me in the hallway one summerwith no air conditioning and too much July. I only teach the children of strangers,and I never teach them anythingas useful as how to undo the shortsighteddecisions of homeowners with too many recitalsand soccer practices to do the job right. [End Page 102] Stevie Edwards stevie edwards holds a PhD in creative writing from University of North Texas and an MFA in poetry from Cornell University. Stevie’s poems have appeared in Poetry Magazine, American Poetry Review, Crazyhorse, and elsewhere. She is a lecturer at Clemson University and author of Sadness Workshop (Button Poetry), Humanly (Small Doggies Press), and Good Grief (Write Bloody Publishing). Edwards is currently poetry editor of The South Carolina Review, and her third full-length collection of poetry, Quiet Armor, is forthcoming from Northwestern University Press’s Curbstone imprint. Originally a Michigander, she now lives in South Carolina with her husband and a small herd of rescue pitbulls (Daisy, Tinkerbell, and Peaches). Stevie uses she/they pronouns. Copyright © 2023 The Massachusetts Review, Inc