Non-marital Sex in Reform Judaism: Reconciling Theory with Reality

Abstract

This paper examines the gap between the present day theory and reality facing Reform Jews who remain unmarried and sexually active. While the Reform movement has sought to address issues facing women and sexual minorities, there is a paucity of literature on matters concerning the increasing number of heterosexuals who, for one reason or another, choose to remain unmarried while being sexually active. One of the only attempts at addressing the general conduct of Reform Jews has been the 1998 “Reform Jewish Sexual Values” position paper coming out of the Ad Hoc Committee on Sexuality of the Central Conference of American Rabbis. Of the ten guidelines, numbers seven and eight propose a covenantal relationship and describe the conditions under which sexual joy may be experienced within Judaism. The document encourages “B’rit (“covenantal relationship”) …grounded in fidelity and the intention of permanence” and “Simcha …human sexual activity should be experienced only in healthy and responsible human relationships”. Both of these guidelines, if taken literally, would exclude a great many Reform Jews who do not find themselves in committed, long-term, exclusive relationships. What then are the acceptable outlets for sexual energies among this group? Do we accept that persons who do not adhere to these guidelines and those of other Reform groups be regarded as immoral? This is a debate that is long overdue in the modernisation of Jewish practice.