“No one has ever asked me and I’m grateful that you have” men’s experiences of their partner’s female sexual pain

Abstract

Female sexual pain (FSP) occurs within a relational context, yet little is known about partners’ experiences. We explored 26 men’s understandings and experiences of FSP within their different-sex relationships, using an online qualitative survey and semi-structured interviews. Nine of the 25 men who completed the survey were also interviewed, and one man shared his experience via interview only. We report our reflexive thematic analysis which resulted in the following themes: 1. Pain is a communication of a problem: It could be a problem in me captured how men made sense of FSP; 2. On the outside - Where potency is problematic illustrated men’s experiences of being marginalised, and the ways in which this shaped their sense of power and agency within the medical setting and their relationship; 3. Downplaying suffering: My experience doesn’t matter… and yet described men’s view of their own distress, though complex and significant, as less worthy of attention compared to their partner’s; and 4. Hegemonic heterosexuality and the individual man illustrated how men resisted dominant cultural notions of men’s sexuality to various extents, and oriented towards an ‘intimacy imperative’. The implications of our findings are discussed in relation to the help-seeking context for men and couples.