Night Guided by a Brown Beetle, and: I Never Said, I Love You Best

Abstract

Night Guided by a Brown Beetle, and: I Never Said, I Love You Best Barbara Helfgott Hyett (bio) Night Guided by a Brown Beetle She has waited through dusk to call herselfto my attention, porcelain back shining Seeme. So I stop to watch her be. I could lieon cobblestones beside her. I couldtouch the inner membrane of her eye— Revelation! Perceivable Premonition! The Holy Painted Unity made red by the soil of wine. She is as real as the moon, floatingamong dead leaves in the children's pool,over-confident like a glowworm.Or is she full of yearningas she darkens, more like me. I Never Said, I Love You Best I suffered beside them,the two bears my motherpushed to one sideof my pillow, becausethey crowd the bed.I was just wanting tosleep between them, [End Page 119] I worried—whoto bring closest to my ear,who to leaveby the headboard? I lovedSqueaky best, the oldestand barely still brown. Somuch more did I love him.But Reddy, carnival prizemy brother won for me,Reddy, who was neithersoft nor pretty, how Ipitied him and dared nothurt his feelings. I triedto stay awake, denyingmy dreams their outcome,and longed for Squeaky.Still, I talked to Reddy.I love you, I told him.Now go to sleep.Sometimes he would,and sometimes hewouldn't, since hecouldn't really trust me. [End Page 120] Barbara Helfgott Hyett Barbara Helfgott Hyett is a poet, teacher, and scholar who has published five collections of poetry: In Evidence: Poems of the Liberation of Nazi Concentration Camps (U of Pittsburgh P); Natural Law (Northalnd of Winona); The Double Reckoning of Christopher Columbus (U of Illinois); The Tracks We Leave: Poems on Endangered Wildlife of North America; and Rift (U of Arkansas). Her poems have appeared in literary magazines across America and abroad. She has won the Boston Foundation's Artist Fellowship Award, two Massachusetts Cultural Council Fellowships, and many other awards, prizes, and residencies. She has also taught writing and literature at MIT, Harvard, and Holy Cross, and she directs the program PoemWorks: The Workshop for Publishing Poets, in Newton, MA. Copyright © 2017 University of Nebraska Press