Mothers and Their “Difficult” Children: How Offspring Problems Shape Maternal Well-Being

Abstract

In this book, author Judith Smith takes a deep dive into the lives of older mothers whose children have long reached adulthood. She coins the term “difficult adult child” to explain the non-normative circumstances that these offspring face, ranging from physical and mental health challenges to substance use disorders. The term helps to frame the “linked lives” of family members, highlighting the parent–child relationship in particular. The book is divided into three sections. Part 1 focuses on material gathered largely from interviews with older mothers. Although specific chapters in this section are devoted to mental illness and substance abuse, the majority of part 1 draws attention to the cross-cutting nature of problems that “difficult” children and their mothers face. For instance, mothers reflect on their shared experiences of guilt and shame for children’s problems and discuss the ambiguity that comes with decisions to help, or not help, adult children in need. Parts 2 and 3 are targeted towards mothers who are seeking to make changes to their relationships with adult children, and in doing so are trying to regain control over their own lives. Part 2 includes a self-assessment of depression and anxiety, which may be both an outcome of children’s challenging circumstances and an obstacle to mothers seeking out broader changes to their relationships with children. Part 3 is devoted to summarizing resources that mothers have access to, including social support networks, self-care, governmental supports, and community-based services that can protect and advocate for older parents. This section raises specific hazards that mothers might face when children are violent and draws attention to signs of elder abuse and consequential courses of action.