Matrix Of Tensions: A Model of Mothering

Abstract

Questions about how women integrate maternity into their sense of self have generated a quest for an heuristic model. We suggest that mothers struggle to balance themselves amid a set of polarities/tensions and that mothering can be situated within a phenomenological matrix of such tensions. We propose a model that includes the following developmental issues: loss of self/expansion of self; omnipotence/liability; life-destroying/life-promoting behavior; maternal isolation/maternal community; cognitive strategies/intuitive responses; maternal desexualization/ maternal sexualization. Investigation and understanding of how mothers cope with these tensions could yield insights into both universal and particular aspects of mothering. I held him so and rocked him. I cradled him. I closed my eyes and leaned on his dark head. But the sun in its course emerged from among the water towers of down-town office buildings and suddenly shone white and bright on me. Then through the short fat fingers of my son, interred forever, like a black and white barred king in Alcatraz, my heart lit up in stripes. — Grace Paley, The Little Disturbances of Man