Maternal Instincts, Biological Clocks, and Soccer Moms: Gay Men's Parenting and Family Narratives

Abstract

Drawing on an integrated theoretical framework of symbolic interaction and queer theory, I analyze how forty‐one mostly white middleclass gay men accomplish their parenting and family identities. Findings reveal how gay active and prospective parents are influenced by the normative family ideal and implicate themselves in dominant discourses about (hetero)sexuality, gender, family, and parenting. Data suggest that in order for gay men to understand themselves as parents, many identify with female‐familial roles and frame their parenting experiences in maternal terms, using such terms as maternal instincts, biological clocks, and soccer moms. I argue that these patterns emerge because these men inhabit a rather liminal space that lacks any definitive models or guidelines. These men make sense of their liminality by framing their identities and experiences within established gendered and heterosexual parenting scripts, resulting in a narrative hybrid of heterosexual men's family and parenting trajectories and discourses about women, femininity, and mothering.