Managing Without Moms: Gay Fathers, Incidental Activism, and the Politics of Parental Gender

Abstract

Cultural norms surrounding gender and family have failed to keep pace with demographic trends of family change, resulting in a wide range of family forms that are excluded from family normativity. Yet the contexts in which diverse families confront normative expectations, and the strategies they use to navigate such situations, have received limited attention. Using participant observation with gay father groups and interviews with 41 gay fathers in California and Texas, this study examines how structures of gender and family affect gay fathers’ everyday lives, as well as the management strategies that contribute to gay fathers’ resilience within exclusively paternal families. Results show that community support and norms of outness and visibility among gay fathers aid in their ability to navigate heteronormative ideologies. The concept of incidental activism is introduced to theorize the relationship between gay fathers’ resistance strategies and discourses of respectability within LGBTQ collective action.