Making visible the invisible: Bisexual parents ponder coming out to their kids

Abstract

Unlike straight or gay parents whose sexuality is often made obvious to their children based on the gender composition of their relationships, bisexual and other non-monosexual parents are regularly and inaccurately assumed to be straight or gay. As a result, bisexuals in both same-gender and mixed-gender relationships must choose whether or not to come out to their children. This article uses data from an online survey of 767 US parents and explores reasons that bisexual parents offered when discussing their plans to come out or not come out to their children. Using a qualitative, thematic analysis of the open-ended question “Do you plan to tell your children about your sexual orientation? Why or why not?”, this article demonstrates that bisexuals planned to come out in order to educate their children on diversity, to encourage their children to be allies, to combat bisexual erasure, to promote honest communication, to convey solidarity to their LGBTQ+ children, and for necessary logistical reasons. Some parents did not plan to come out to their children, explaining that their sexuality was private, shameful, or confusing. Others said they would come out if asked, or if their children were also queer. These motivations relate to bisexual parents’ unique experiences with binegativity and erasure.