Love, work and play: an infant’s creative struggle to understand separation and loss from birth to toddlerhood

Abstract

This article is an account of a two-and-a-half-year observation of a boy from birth to toddlerhood. The author focuses on the impact of the usual separations and losses over time on the baby’s developing mind in the context of his relationship with mother. It describes the hard work involved in internalising a good object and how this impacts on the ability to take in truth and accept reality. If the present good breast can be held on to and thought about as a good breast-absent, established and appreciated in the mind, then thinking processes can develop, and anxiety, rage, rivalry and many other feelings can be worked through in phantasy, especially as the capacity for symbolic play develops. The length of the observation leads to a conviction that the capacity to accept and mourn the loss of the actual breast leads to new pleasures and adventures and a sense of authenticity.