“It’s Complicated”: How Black and White Women Innovate with Situationships at Midlife

Abstract

Abstract The sexual and romantic activities of unmarried women at midlife are often invisible in survey research based on normative categories of adult intimacy. However, women at this stage in the life course are structurally positioned to innovate with intimacy. In our interviews with 53 Black and white women between ages 33-58, outside of stable partnerships, and open to sex and intimacy with men, we find that women’s frustration with marriage and marriage-like commitment, negative experiences dating, and lack of interest in celibacy led them to experiment with a new form of intimacy. A majority engaged in ongoing liaisons in a liminal space between casual and committed—what emerging scholarship on the romantic relationships of Black women refer to as “situationships.” Black women, those with higher incomes, and queer-identified women were more likely to use situationships. We argue that women’s use of situationships challenged normative expectations that felt constraining to many at midlife and allowed women to enjoy the benefits of sexual and romantic company. Situationships enabled them to avoid casual sex and maintain autonomy and single identity. Finally, we highlight the disadvantages of situationships, emphasizing the importance of life stage and orientation to normative arrangements for situationship experiences.