“It Might Have a Little to Do with Wish Fulfillment”: The Life-Giving Force of Queer Performance in TTRPG Spaces

Abstract

In Cruel Optimism, Lauren Berlant asserts that “fantasy [can serve] as a life-sustaining defense against the attritions of ordinary violent history,” which is a statement that holds true for many queer role-players in TTRPG spaces (Berlant 2012, 45). Around the table, these worlds enable players to discover and render their identities legible in social utopian spaces and rehearse their performance for life outside of them. Through engaging with scholarship, autoethnographic writing, and cultural production surrounding TTRPGs, queer identity, avatars, and gender performance, this project asserts that TTRPGs function as safe spaces for becoming, due in part to the ability to create an avatar, or “flexible representational stand-in” for the self, that is queer and embodied through role-play (McMillan, 2015 13). This is achieved through tracking the author’s experience of discovering and forming their queer and trans identity through role-playing various characters and disciplining their function through related interdisciplinary theory across queer, feminist, and role-playing studies. Additionally, through utilizing additional ethnographic accounts and analyzing TTRPG-based media in theatre and actual play spaces, this project further establishes how the emancipatory potential in escapist TTRPG fantasy spaces can ultimately alter queer role-players’ engagement with material reality in a world adversarial to their existence and visibility, especially in light of the past few years.