Indominable Color Schemes

Abstract

This ten-page visual, poetic essay captures my disenfranchisement from my own art and poetry, as well as the continuous instability of my life. I start with parental expectations, symbolized by negative space or violent lines and shapes, pondering the cost of these expectations on the joys and freedom of youth. I move into encounters of transphobic and racist bullying at primary school, a time when it was impossible to bear the terms for such experiences. This is followed by representations of abuse, only retroactively understood throughout the subsequent exploration of it, as well as the chronic deprivation of opportunity that these kinds of injuries cause. The exponential costs, particularly the emotional ones, that incur from the practical losses that come with life are then considered, along with the re-traumatization of simply trying to survive them. Finally, there are discordant uses of space, cluttered and overlayered images and words, alongside isolating negative spaces, to represent the constant feeling of failure, including being broken even during instances of stability or minor success.