Abstract
The parlor of a rural home in north central West Virginia, sparsely furnished, but filled with flower arrangements. Center stage is an open casket. Right rear is a refreshment table. Left rear is a computer workstation adorned with a plethora of prescriptive grammars, including the works of Bishop Lowth, Lindley Murray, and John Warriner. Above the workstation is a portrait of E. D. Hirsch superimposed over a list of items titled What Every American Should Know. Right front is a comfortable armchair. The time is early evening. As the lights come up, we see one man standing behind the casket, drink in hand, pensively reflecting upon the occupant ensconced within. A woman sits in the armchair facing the audience. She speaks first.
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