If All the World Were Listening

Abstract

Margaret played with two yellow leaves that had floated down upon her like toys dropped into a playpen by a smiling mother. Shadows of the picket fence in whose corner she sat, fell like bars across her. She watched them on her arm curiously, thinking of locks and keys and rooms with no windows. In front of her, on the huge rocks that rose like a miniature mountain in the middle of the yard, the moss had dried and turned brown. If she had felt like it, she could have filled a coffee can with water and pouring it over a section of the tight brown moss, watched it turn green before her eyes. But things were different today, and she didn't feel like it. She threw the two yellow leaves over the fence where they fell quietly on the wooden sidewalk. She watched them for a long time but they didn't even quiver. Why didn't you go with them? They didn't ask me. Don't lie. She called you. I was afraid I would cry. You hid. They won't like that. But I came back. I'm here now. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You should have gone with them. Stupid to sit here. It's cold. Not true. If she didn't move it wasn't so cold. The sun was full of the illusion of warmth, bouncing its rays off the shingled wall of the house, breaking into dancing, sparkling patterns of light under the mulberry trees where leaves kept falling. It was a beautiful day. She felt like screaming or biting herself to keep from making more words in her mind and spoiling what was around her. But at the same time she knew it was stupid to just sit here. There were goose bumps all up and down her arms because of the church bell that kept ringing and ring ing. If she got up and walked off, maybe she could get far enough away so she wouldn't have to hear it anymore. There was a noise in the house of her neighbor and she looked up. What it might be, she could not guess because as far as she knew, she was alone. Those who had cars had piled them to the ceiling with their belongings and driven off with cans strapped to their running boards and canvas bundles tied to the tops.