I occasionally wear his huge sweaters… but I often prefer not to think about it: Bereaved children talking and not talking about parental loss

Abstract

The unique perspective of children communicating about the loss of a parent has rarely been studied. In this qualitative research, we interviewed 12 children aged 7–12 and asked them about their experience communicating their loss. The children’s verbal and non-verbal communication was characterized by constant movements away from and closer to various aspects of their loss, illustrated by three main themes: (a) children either talking about the loss or not talking about it; (b) first talking about the loss and then stopping to talk about it; and (c) simultaneously talking and not talking about the loss. Based on Stern’s interpersonal relational thinking, our findings indicate that children wish to talk about the loss but also to avoid talking about it. The possibility of choosing to talk and not to talk with themselves and close individuals about the loss allows children to think about and articulate their feelings and thoughts.