“I’m my own biggest critic”: an autoethnographic reflection on an early-career researcher’s first year as a lecturer in law

Abstract

ABSTRACT Embedding my discussions in the wider literature around the neoliberal university and adopting an autoethnographic approach (the keeping of a diary), I explore the thoughts and feelings that I have had over my first year of teaching and researching in my first permanent lectureship, post-PhD during the midst of a global pandemic and where strike action is evidently present. Using an inductive thematic analysis, I highlight three recurring themes: (1) anxiety; (2) imposter syndrome; and (3) catastrophising – all of which are heavily interlinked and evidently present across the neoliberal higher education system. I use these themes to highlight how this has affected my own understanding of what it’s like to work in academia as a lecturer in law and in turn, how this has affected my feelings towards my job and more importantly, towards my teaching and research – aspects of my job which commonly come into conflict with each other. The final parts of this article put forward suggestions on what early-career researchers can do to tackle their own insecurities and what individuals in the academy can also do to better support colleagues to create a form of collectiveness within the modern law school.