‘I don’t want us to stand out more than we already do’: Lesbian couples negotiating family connections in donor conception

Abstract

This article adds to debates about intimate life in non-heterosexual relationships and the concept of ‘families of choice’ by exploring lesbian couples’ understandings of becoming and being a family through donor conception. Drawing on a study comprising 25 lesbian couples in England and Wales who pursued parenthood together using donor sperm, it explores the constructions of family connections as they emerge in couples’ accounts about donor selection and ethnicity/‘race’, siblinghood, surnames and civil partnerships. Asking how far the concept of ‘families of choice’ accounts for contemporary same-sex intimate practices, the article highlights the complex interplay between privilege and under-privilege in the couples’ narratives of conception. It argues that traditional intimate values are emerging as significant in shaping how this community of same-sex couples understand, imagine and construct their intimate lives.