Helping Couples Heal From Infidelity: A Self Psychological, Intersubjective Approach

Abstract

This article applies a contemporary self psychological approach to couple therapy, previously described (Leone, 2008), to the treatment of couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. From this perspective, infidelity is seen as a massive selfobject failure or relational trauma (at least in most cases in our culture) which typically stems from multiple intrapsychic and interpersonal factors. This article highlights the causes, functions, meanings, and impact of infidelity and emphasizes the importance of understanding the specific meanings of an affair for each individual partner and couple. It then describes a treatment approach designed to help couples process and integrate the experience of trauma and loss, address the issues that led to the unfaithful behavior, and gradually reestablish their relationship as a reliable source of selfobject experience for both partners. The use of directive, structuring, or educating interventions to achieve these goals is also discussed. Detailed clinical material is used to illustrate key concepts.