Abstract
Theologians, pastors, and psychological help-providers have not always worked harmoniously. This can be especially true with couples. Theological and pastoral help-providers value marriage as sacred and are reluctant to entertain ending it. Most psychotherapists have more training and experience in individual psychotherapy than in couple therapy. Drawing on the parable of the Good Samaritan, we appeal to theologians, pastors, and psychological help-givers to work together. We examine ways that psychological findings might inform theology and pastoral practice. As an example, we use forgiveness in committed romantic relationships. What causes strong couple relationships are the formation, strengthening, maintenance, and (when damaged) repair of ruptures in the emotional bond. Thus, forgiveness is one major cause of good marriage. Forgiveness requires being oriented toward the other person’s welfare, and in humility responding to wrongdoing mercifully. Forgiving in committed relationships seeks a net positive emotional valence toward the partner built on empathy, humility, and responsibility. Good relationships also involve self-forgiveness when one feels self-condemnation over one’s own misdeeds. For help-givers, humility is a key to promoting relational experiences of virtue. We show that forgiveness is related to health. Religiously oriented help-providers can promote better relationships and better health by fostering forgiveness.
Highlights
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the L ORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?(Micah 6:8, All Scriptures in this article are in the English Standard Version; ESV)In a talk by Jakes (2011), he used the parable of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30–35) to discuss interdisciplinary collaboration
As psychological help-givers, we offer theology and pastoral care some foundational principles and approaches of forgiveness in committed relationships in an effort to better bridge the gap between our professional silos
Forgiveness and self-forgiveness has been related to better couple relationships, and marriage and marriage-like relationships has been shown to be strongly related to health (Waite and Gallagher 2001)
Summary
More Questions about Forgiveness: Research Agenda for 2005–2015. Worthington, Everett L., Jr., and Scott T. Worthington, Everett L., Jr., and DeWitt T. Promoting Reconciliation through Psychoeducational and Therapeutic Interventions. Forgiveness and Spirituality in Psychotherapy: A Relational. Et al. Forgiveness-Reconciliation and Communication-Conflict-Resolution Interventions versus Rested Controls in Early Married Couples.
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