Floppy foreskins, misogynoir and why Black women cannot give up on swiping

Abstract

It saddens me to admit that I feel safest on an app where men are simply not allowed to contact me until I express an interest in them. A quick review of online discussion platforms would suggest that many in society have just decided that men cannot be trusted with the first move. I get it, frankly, but it isn’t what I hope for. In this piece I argue that Black women who desire connection and community cannot afford to stop dating online. With personal narrative and a review of the literature, this paper takes an autoethnographic approach to online dating as a Black woman. I show that the risks of social isolation and mental health concerns leave women of color, particularly Black single women in a vulnerable position. Research is suggesting that people are meeting less new people IRL (in real life), and that this is especially true for romantic connections. Given the hostility of the online dating environment, I consider the role of courtesy, consciousness and awareness of virtual space as community for the Black woman. The paper requests that claims of anti-racism be replaced with demonstrations of this in dating practices, and I present suggested strategies for holding space in the current environment.