Abstract
In this essay, I reflect on my lived experience as a Black, female scholar doing critical scholarship on racism in the vein of Critical Race Theory (CRT). I am particularly attentive to the ways that the current backlash against those who use critical perspectives that center the experience of marginalized persons to illuminate continuing racial oppression in society is meant to silence and frighten scholars through challenging our very livelihoods and even our sanity. Amid widespread legislative attacks in numerous states across the nation, I comment on both the emancipatory power of using the agency of Black joy to speak truth to power in a White supremacist world and the constancy of its companion-pain. I do this to better answer the question: in a place where race scholarship is under attack or heavy scrutiny, what are your experiences with leaving or staying and why?
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