Drawing the line at infidelity: Negotiating relationship morality in a Swedish context of consensual non-monogamy

Abstract

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) involves being in a relationship that allows participants multiple concurrent sexual and/or intimate partners. Previous studies exploring attitudes toward different types of extra-dyadic sexual activity (EDSA) has typically distinguished between, on the one hand, polyamory/open relationships/swinging and, on the other, infidelity. The aim of this article is to develop further these discussions by showing how the distinctions between relationship types are drawn and/or blurred in social interactions, and how this requires moral work and negotiations of what ethical polyamory is. The research questions are as follows: 1. How are different CNM relationship types distinguished from each other, as well as intertwined and negotiated in social interactions? 2. How are ideals of consent, honesty, and communication reproduced and renegotiated in CNM relationships? 3. How does moral work become important for responding to negative attitudes toward CNM? The material consists of interviews with 22 persons practicing polyamory, CNM, or relationship anarchy, analyzed using thematic analysis. Results show that CNM relationship types are not clearly distinguishable but rather negotiated in social interactions both within a relationship and with others. Interviewees express that consent, honesty, and communication are central for their relationships, but also that they are negotiated. For example, honesty can be renegotiated by introducing an option of not telling your partner everything. Consent can also be renegotiated with some conditions, such as not actively searching out potential partners. They describe several different types of moral work: negotiating and reformulating others’ moral opinions, reversing moral hierarchies, and taking responsibility to explain and to soothe situations. These results contribute to existing research on attitudes toward CNM practices pointing out the importance of taking social interactions into account in order to explore the full extent of negative attitudes toward people involved in CNM relationships and how they handle these interactions.