Differentiating the self: the kinship practices of middle-aged gay men in Manchester

Paul Simpson

doi:10.1332/204674313x664716

Abstract

Middle-aged gay men in Manchester differentiate themselves through accounts of ‘friendship family’ from relating/kinship associated with heterosexuals and younger gay men. In this article, based on interviews with 27 men aged 39–61, I explore narratives of friendship family. This critical space enables development/mobilisation of the resources of ageing – ‘ageing capital’ – needed to reclaim self-worth in the face of homophobia and gay ageism. It helped men to develop the emotional and political resources to question heteronormative family and practice non-monogamy. However, in the struggle for dominance over meaning/representation, generational claims to differentiation could reinforce reverse ageism. Young gay men were constructed as threat, insubstantial or vulnerable, obliging a duty of care to avoid exploiting them. The discursive strategies men deployed could limit/thwart the use of ageing capital and undermine men’s claims that ageing involves a linear path towards enhanced awareness of self, other and authoritative knowledge of the relations of gay culture.

Highlights

Gay men have had to create their own ‘families of choice.’ These friendship-based families have been well documented
Little attention has been given to how men recreate their ‘gay scene’/kinship as they age. These forms of self-remaking are discernible in two major shifts around middle-age; the first away from the family of origin and the second away from the gay bar scene towards greater involvement in friendship family
Informants drew on narratives/discourse that undermined their ability to deploy ageing capital as represented in their claims that ageing involves a linear path towards increased status, acceptance of self and other and authoritative understanding of the relations of gay culture

Summary

Research context

Manchester is Britain’s third most populous city. Since the mid-1990s, its ‘gay village’ has served as a laboratory for research on the relations of sexual difference. One study concluded that state and public hostility have promoted physical and symbolic violence, which dominate gay men’s experiences of social space (Moran et al 2004). Village bars are the most visible aspect of local gay culture, this culture consists of an online gay scene, social/support groups and spaces for recreational sex (saunas, cruising grounds and public toilets) and domestically staged forms of kinship. The latter were spoken of as increasingly important as men grew older and have been overshadowed by research on the more visible village bar scene

Theoretical framework

Methods and men

Exclusions from friendship family

Findings

Conclusion