Deconstructing the “Mommy Wars”: The Battle Over the Best Mom

Abstract

ABSTRACT Popular press, family policies, and celebrity therapists are a few of the outlets that portray working mothers in a negative light. In this public dialogue, working mothers are blamed for a multitude of social problems, while many of the real social issues related to working families are ignored. In the popular discourse known as the “Mommy Wars,” working mothers and stay-at-home mothers are pitted against each other by asking, “Who is the better mommy?” However, this media driven war effectively diverts our attention away from real problems and solutions for working parents. As family therapists we have many opportunities to assist our clients in achieving equality and increased balance in their lives, as well as provide education about what factors lead to overall family well-being. We can place client problems in social context in order to increase awareness and educated decision making about family arrangements that work best for their unique circumstances, that are not based on media generated messages. This paper discusses that social context and offers ways for therapists to work with primarily heterosexual families who are struggling with work and family balance and the question “Should Mom work?”