Crush

Abstract

Crush Dana Roeser (bio) Why do they call it "crush"?The man strapped in horizontal on the hydraulic lift, then tipped vertical,bellowing, I am standing up. The nurses trying to cantileverhim into the bathroom so he can brush his teeth.Greg described my dad's menu as "mechanically softened."They actually take the entire rib-eye steak, or chicken parmigiana,and put it through a meat grinder. On Irish night, my father, uncharacteristically,screamed, "This is revolting! I won't eat it." Imagine corned beef and cabbagein a paste. I heard later that the patrons in the main dining room werereimbursed the price [End Page 104] of their dinners. That's how unsavorythe entrees were even before pulverization. I had Irishcream shrimp. And a soaking baked potato. ________ Crush. Coup de foudre. Blow tothe head, lightning strike. It's annoying to fall for a garden varietywomanizer with whom I have nothing in common. And I'm not theonly one. Whole 12-step meetings filled with women who have washedtheir hair. I feel like giving that thing a blow to its head. But it keepssashaying up to me when I'm shaking my pelvis to some pining, thrusting love song inZumba class—like a Cat Five hurricane in the Wall of Wind simulator. ________ My father begs me, I mean begs,for red grapes. Red grapes, he says, or a sip of water—his hand in a pinch—just one. No, I want real water. "Thickener" is put in every drink he ingests. [End Page 105] ________ What if he breaks your heart?my friend Cicily says, her inquiring, open face tilted up to mine.A moment before, when I was extolling his charms,"And have you seen the other side of that?" I had to sayI had. "Yes, he is very wound up." ________ Sally was lit up like a sparkler,her thinning gray hair every which way, getting stupendously drunkbut still strikingly aware. She told us how her first bone marrow transplantdidn't take and she needed to get another one. Each time sobering up the onlymatch, her alcoholic brother. Sally was holding a snifter of ginand then glass after glass of white wine. It had been a hard day, she said. As I wasstanding to leave, she told us about her crush (as was the case the night beforewhen I started in at the restaurant [End Page 106] with Anna and Rose, out came the crushes).She said it had gotten so bad she avoided going into the relevant establishmentwhen she saw her guy's license plate in a parking spot. Forty years married,and devoted to his wife. Flirting like crazy. She was married to oneof those flirts, but somehow she focused him. His fifth wife, twentyyears. He adored her until his ailments— the last straw was he, a NationalBook Award winner, couldn't read the computer screen—got to himand he shot himself on a visit home from the assisted living placewhere he had been living, basically, without a hip. Sally was in theother room. ________ Sally was on prednisone for years.Between that and the forced menopause, she had several compression fracturesin her spine. Crush. Use this word in a sentence:her spine was crushed. [End Page 107] ________ In my father's roomI eat bites from a piece of fake "coffee cake" fromhis tray. They've upgraded his diet somewhat (from"pulverized" to "smashed," I say in the "Care" meeting—which makeseveryone laugh). But it's too late. He eats almost nothing.I'm going to offer him the sip of the waterhe's not allowed to have— today he starts Hospiceso why not start breaking the rules right away?—but he forgetshe asked. I've been assured Hospice is going to give "pleasurefoods" and a "comfort tray" (I can't get a clear read of what's on thistray, besides morphine and Ativan.) ________ Grief suffuses Hoy CenterFloor 2 A especially at night. From [End Page 108...