Couple healing from infidelity: A grounded theory study

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Infidelity is a common experience in committed relationships that can lead to significant distress for both partners. While many couples end their relationship following infidelity, a significant portion choose to stay together and attempt reconciliation. In our study, we employed constructivist grounded theory to study the process of healing from infidelity for couples who stay together. Our sample consisted of 16 heterosexual couples who experienced sexual infidelity, chose to stay together, and self-identified as having experienced meaningful healing. Couples had an average age of 27 (range = 19– 46), approximate mean length of relationship at infidelity of 3 years (median = 2 years), and approximate mean time since infidelity of 50 months (median = 24 months). We organize our results into a process model of healing that includes four stages: the revelation of the infidelity, initial reactions, stabilizing the relationship, and revitalizing the relationship. The grounded theory suggests there is a developmental progression of healing as couples jointly work to re-establish their relationship. This process includes assessing the damage, affirming commitment, establishing accountability, seeking reconnection, communicating deeply, re-establishing trust, and moving from initial to deeper forgiveness. Our results also suggest that couples’ shared history, sociocultural factors, and receipt of formal and informal support shaped how they experienced the infidelity and engaged in healing. We discuss key clinical implications of the grounded theory, especially related to the role therapy can play in facilitating healing, the importance of open communication and processing emotions, deepening forgiveness, and the reciprocal process of restoring trust.